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Mr. Diaspora!

Maxamed Dudishe
Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Daahir was always known as Daahir Ducaale until he went back home for his father’s funeral and became known as Daahir Diaspora. Word has it that Daahir introduced himself to everyone he met as “Daahir from Diaspora”. Somewhere along the line, the “from” disappeared and the “Daahir Diaspora” remained.


His relatives were astonished when they realized he was going to stay for a mere week. One elder said that most Diasporas come home and often stay for a month or more. Daahir argued that unlike the other Diasporas he had a day job. The elders begged him to return and bring back some projects. Daahir was curious and questioned what kind of projects they had in mind that could be beneficial. They listed some possible projects like helping war veterans or women or just programs that are geared to the children.


The last one stuck on his head and Daahir pledged to help the children by any means necessary. As soon as he went back to Canada, Daahir bought a used laptop and started frequenting the local Starbucks to get a free WiFi. He spent time on Google and YouTube, each time typing “sick children” or “sick child”. He’s got something! He called back home and told them that he was bringing a project that will contribute the educational development of the local children. His relatives were elated. They contacted the local schools and told them about the upcoming project that their Diaspora son was bringing.  


A year later, Daahir arrived in Mogadishu. This time with a laptop.  It was hot scorching March day and Daahir was wearing his rented three piece tuxedo. His relatives came by bus but returned with him in a cab. Daahir wore his seatbelt. He knew people in Mogadishu did not wear seatbelts, but that did not stop Daahir of acting surprised. He went on to lecture them about safety. He remembered and recited safety slogans: “seatbelts save lives” “no belts no brains”. His relatives were impressed and out of courtesy they buckled their seatbelts.


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After a day of feast and rest, Daahir and his elders visited the Minister of Education.  Daahir was wearing the same rented tuxedo and he had his laptop with him. The minister gave Daahir a chance to introduce and present his project proposal. Daahir introduced himself as Daahir from Diaspora and then talked about the importance of education. Several times he repeated the phrase “healthy child equals healthy future”. The minister was nodding in agreement and politely asked Daahir to get to the juicy part. Daahir cleared his throat and asked for water. The minister rang a bell and a young man served Daahir unobtrusively. Daahir turned his laptop on and read his four line project for the minister:


Emma, Emma, Bo-Bemma

Banana-Fana Fo-Femma




Everyone smiled and seemed to enjoy the song. The minister asked Daahir to repeat. Daahir enthusiastically repeated two more times. The minister said that was a good song and asked Daahir about the project. Daahir said that the song was the actual project. This song, argued Daahir, had special rhythms with magnificent melodies that scientists in North America have deemed as an essential tool to nurture a healthy child. “Yes, sir!” agreed the elders in unison.


The minister was taken aback! “You flew all the way from Canada to sing Emma, Emma Banana?” the minister quipped! He reminded Daahir that children in local schools lacked electricity. The minister rejected Daahir’s frivolous proposal and suggested that he go back to Canada and think of how he can bring a low cost renewable energy which will enable local children to listen educational songs.


Daahir left, but promised to return and bring renewable energy project to his people. As soon as he returned to Canada, Daahir went to his usual Starbucks. He started researching low cost renewable energy and found out that there is a company that can transform cow waste into electricity.


Daahir called the minister and told him about his brilliant discovery. The minister told Daahir that there was a shortage of cow poo in Mogadishu and collecting it could potentially create chaos and perhaps riots! “People use it as clay to build cariish homes”. Daahir agreed and dropped the idea. But soon after that another idea was forming in his head; to alleviate the shortage of the cow poo. Without consulting anyone, Daahir took the initiative to ship 100 barrels of cow poo from Canada to Somalia and addressed them to the Minister of Education.


The Port Authority official called the minister and informed him that a shipment has arrived for him. Without mincing words, the official said to the minister: “Mr. Minister, there are loads of stinky shitty shipments here for you!” The minister shook his head and said it out loud “DAAHIR DIASPORA!!!”

Maxamed Dudishe

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