“Love has no culture, boundaries, race or religion. It is pure and beautiful like early morning sunrise over a lake.” – Santosh Kalwar
by Roseanna Looker
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
Somali marriages have traditionally been considered as a bond between not just a man and a woman but also between clans and families. These customs still hold true in the twenty first century in Somalia, and in the Somali Diaspora community. Although Somalis live all over the world and live together alongside non-Somalis peacefully, mixed marriage is a rarity.
We live in an ever globalised and multicultural society, inevitably mixed marriage, defined as a marriage between two people of different races or religions is commonplace and is seen as a regularity and a societal norm in multicultural Britain for instance. Today most would generally agree that mixed marriage is positive and it is of little significance the heritage of the married couple.
It is a fact that Somalis who marry ‘non Somalis’ are breaking cultural and social norms. In recent years Somalis choosing to marry outside of their community has increased over the years but there appears to be little tangible data.
From the outset there appears to be a reluctance from the Somali community to fully embrace mixed marriage as normal. This may steam from a range of factors, such as concerns of cultural and religious traditions being watered down and even lost. On speaking to a Somali man aged 24 from Birmingham who has lived in the UK for most of his life said, “I am free to choose whoever I want to marry, marriage is a huge thing. For myself though I like to feel that I am preserving my culture through speaking Somali for example and passing this onto my children.”
The question of culture therefore is very important for Somalis. A non-Somali would surely find Somali culture rich and unique in terms of history, language, food and music. However, tribe is still seen as social insurance for most Somalis and a non-Somali may struggle to understand the extent of this bond and his/her partners obligations and duties toward the tribe.
Somalis are Muslim and in Islam, marriage or ‘Nikah’ is not only considered highly significant but is dutiful and obligatory for every Muslim. In the Holy Quran it states that a Muslim man can marry any woman from any religion, specifically the Abrahamic traditions Islam/Judaism/Christianity provided they are taught about the religion. A Muslim women however must marry a Muslim man. From a Religious perspective thus it seems Somalis do have scope to marry unto who they wish within the religion.
There is evidence of an increase in Somali women choosing and preferring White Male Muslim converts to Islam compared to their Male Somali counterparts. On speaking with some young Somali Women, one told me “Many Somali girls are choosing white converts to Islam as they are more practicing than most of Somali men these days.”
It is arduous to generalise people’s experiences, as marriage is extremely personal and every experience different. A White British nurse from Bristol spoke about her experience of her marriage to a Somali man with great enthusiasm, “To be honest sometimes it was difficult for me to get used to his commitments and obligation to family here in the UK and back home in Somalia. I respect and his culture as he does mine. We have a wonderful life together. I believe marriage should be a sacred bound and both consenting must respect one another for who they are wherever they come from.”
For the Somali community, mixed marriage is although a relatively new phenomena; it does exist and should be celebrated and promoted. As a relatively new diaspora community, Somalis are still finding their feet, away from their home land Somalis stand strong with their spirit of resilience, perseverance and determination to re-build Somalia. It seems only natural a community to cohere so tightly when survival is paramount.
The Somali community arguably has a long way to go before mixed-marriage can be fully accepted by the whole community. We know that stigma and ignorance will always exist in every community, the way to combat such obstacles is in the changing of attitudes and perceptions through the celebration and sharing of different cultures and of people’s positive experience.
This not only helps those who are in mixed marriages but also for children born of mixed heritage rejoice in who they are. Furthermore for wider society and communities to take heed and understand that accepting mixed marriage is a step toward progressive change and has positive implications for future generations to accept appreciate one another’s cultures.
Roseanna Looker
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