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Mohamed Mukhtar
Friday, October 31, 2008
Somalia was discharged from Mbagathi Hospital after Somalis formed the Transitional Federal Institutions (TFIs) under the auspices of IGAD in 2004. As an outpatient, Somalia was prescribed a self-administered drug to recreate a new nation through the envisioned inclusive government. Somalia’s Transitional Federal Government (TFG) had remained virtually powerless until Ethiopia began a large scale offensive at the end of 2006 to see off the Islamic Courts. Even with Ethiopia’s support, the TFG is yet to become a functioning government. IGAD’s Follow-Up office, which serves as a resource for patients, has called back the TFIs to discuss the situation.
Doctor: Welcome. Welcome.
Patient: I see new faces. Where are Kipligat, Kiboy and Yamani?
Doctor: We are the new team. This is Dr. Seyoum from Ethiopia; this is Dr. Wetang’ula from Kenya; this is Dr. Kutesa from Uganda and I believe you know the rest.
Patient: OK.
Doctor: We are concerned about your progress. You have been an outpatient for four years and you have hardly made any progress. So tell us what is going on?
Patient: No! No! Let me tell you the situation. I was in your care for two years and I have been following your advice for the last four years but I am still sick. What kind of doctors are you and what kind of medicine are you giving me?
Doctor: Do you know the code of ethical behaviour for patients?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Code 4 reads: “Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief.” Code 5 says: “Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. [Because] it is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.”
Patient: I find difficult to understand the interim constitution let alone the code of ethical behaviour. So tell me what is the problem?
Doctor: You are the problem.
Patient: Sir, I am just IGAD’s product. You formed and shaped me. Are you disappointed with your design?
Doctor: We have invested heavily in you and raised your profile; you have an internationally-recognised government which has all the symbols of a government. We have deployed our troops. But you are still hopeless. What can we do to make you a viable state?
Patient: The buzzword in Washington is ‘CHANGE’ so I need change.
Doctor: From what to what?
Patient: To figure that one out, hospitalise me here first. It is too scary to go back to Baidabo or Mogadishu.
Doctor: HELL, NO WAY!!! You need to go back and sort out your mess.
Patient: My MPs could not even agree on how to queue to enter the consultation room so how on earth are they going to revive Somalia?
Doctor: You were in your country and you could not settle your differences. Now you are afraid that if you go back you may not be able to agree on anything. That is called a recurring disease.
Patient: What is the treatment for recurring disease?
Doctor: IGAD has never seen a patient in your situation and we need to develop an imaginative remedy for you. Please exercise some patience.
Patient: Time is not my side. Zealous religious leaders are lurking everywhere.
Doctor: To ease your fear of going back we have invited the two Shariffs. Look over there. They are sitting at the far end of the room. They will have word with the resistance groups.
Patient: What will I do when I go back?
Doctor: You will play a make-believe game called ‘State Building’ and you will keep us informed of any progress you make.
Patient: Will I also report to Ahmedou Ould Abdellah from the UN?
Doctor: IGAD is your true doctor. See you.
Mohamed Mukhtar
Email: [email protected]