By Catherine Thompson
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Like the morning in the depths of winter, when the Somali single mother of five had to take two of her children to the doctor.
Because the bus to her son's school ran only every half-hour, and she then had to take another bus to her daughter's school, she had to leave home three hours before the appointment to make sure everyone was there on time. Then bus everyone back to school, and slog home through the snow and the wind in the inadequate winter boots she'd bought before she fully understood what Canadian winters meant.
After her six-hour trek to the doctor's, she admits, "I really cried. But then I said, 'Oh my God, I have to learn to drive.'"
And then she did just that.
Issa's roll-up-your-sleeves-and-get-the-job-done attitude is typical of many immigrant mothers, said Tadelech Kassa, who came to Canada from Ethiopia in 1999 and now is a settlement worker with the YMCA immigrant services.
Five years ago, a mother at Sunnyside Public School realized she was overwhelmed trying to navigate the school system, and started the school's group for newcomer mothers. It was such a success, a half-dozen other schools have since started similar groups, Kassa said.
"She felt they needed to get together, to empower themselves to make changes in their lives and in the life of the school," said Debbie Samson, who teaches English as a second language at Sunnyside.
Immigrant mothers have a huge role in ensuring their families do well in their new homeland, and they labour mightily to help them, she said.
"The mother is the centre of the family. She is the keeper."
Immigrant mothers are pillars of strength, courage and optimism, as they forge a new life for their families in a foreign land, Kassa said. "I'm just very proud of this mother's group," Kassa said. "They are my courage."
Even dealing with minor crises, such as a power failure or a sick child, can be challenging when you know none of your neighbours and aren't sure if it's OK to knock on a stranger's door to ask for help or advice, Kassa said.
Perhaps more difficult than navigating unfamiliar customs and systems, coping in a foreign language, and keeping everything together for the kids, is the loneliness.
"When you come here, you don't know anybody," Issa said. "You're far from your family and friends, you're stressed. Too much stress."
Nabila Rahimi, a native of Afghanistan, came to Canada last year to care for her father after he was struck by a car in Kitchener. Her husband stayed behind in Sweden to finish his university studies and to work, so she bears the burden of parenting her two children alone.
"With my two kids, I have to work as father and mother," she said.
She's a firm believer in education, especially for women, and urges her two daughters, Oshas, 13 and Farangis, 10, to study hard and be successful. "I don't want to push, but I talk all the time that educated women do better, read that book, try to improve."
Ikraan Ibrahim is Issa's daughter, and she has seen how hard her mother works, and how in the three years since arriving in Canada she has been a role model for other newcomers to Canada. "She's a very independent woman."
"I'm proud of her," Ibrahim said simply, smiling over at her mom. "I hope when I have kids I'll develop her habits, and be strong, and patient and independent, like her."
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