Where have all the good men gone? The coming of age of the ‘lost generation’.

by Y. Ismail
Saturday, October 03, 2009

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A few days ago as I sat nonchalant reading an article for a class at one of the many cafes that litter the university campus I attend, I happened to overhear two Somali sisters conversation. One of the sisters was modestly dressed while the other was a more modern ‘liberal’ minded sister. After talking about their courses, professors, and future ambitions (they were both political science majors and wanted to go on to law school), the topic soon turned to love and marriage.

“There are no Somali guys worth marrying,” the liberal sister stated. “They’re all such losers. No ambition, no drive, no interest. They’re all just wanna be thangs.” Then a ten minute rant bashing Somali men followed. As the liberal minded sister continued on her rant, I couldn’t help but smirked to myself because I had been expected the conversation to ‘go there’. Never have a group of Somali women gather without complaining about Somali men. However, these days the vitriol seems to have intensified and who could blame them? We as Somali men have given them plenty of reasons to be angry with us. Many of the older Somali men living aboard have abandoned their families to return home in search of political glory and new young wives. Their sons having no father figures to look up to have mostly become “gangstas” and ended up in jail, if not dead. But though Somali women have always complained about Somali men, they have always stood by us, and support us…that is until this new generation.

The conversation between the two Somali sister from there then turned to marrying outside the Somali community. The liberal minded sister said she would consider marrying a non-Somali, and the other sister asked her if the stigmatism attached to that would not bother her. “Who are they to judge me?” she replied. In fact, more and more brighter sisters have chosen to look elsewhere for husbands feeling our community has nothing to offer them.

What’s significant about the new generation of young Somali adults is that because of the civil war many of us were either born or raised aboard. We’ve had to learn quickly how to blend our parents’ traditions, expectations, and culture with that of the new country in which we were raised. This is a delicate balancing act and there are few people who have managed to successfully balance both. Many have been lost through large gaps that exist between the two cultures, others have succeed and still other believed they have succeed but are truly lost. The guys in jail and who think they’re thangs are the most obvious example of failure but the not so obvious example is the liberal minded sister in the story. She personifies perfectly the Somali who thinks that they are so high above their own race that they can bash them in public. She may have been successful at school but she still lacked a great deal of decorum and culture.

As I got up from my table to head to class I passed by the table the Somali sisters were sitting at and placed a card on it. “There’s still some successful Somali guys around. We’re not all extinct yet.” I said giving them a cocky smile, before walking off. The liberal sister picked up the card and read my name, “Mahad Omar, Ph.D candidate Political Science”. She starred after me too surprised to speak.

Y. Ismail
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